Friday, 22 January 2010

Milk, Actually

One of the great bonuses of Twitter are the internet gems fellow tweeters unearth.

Today, the sharp eyes of @victoriapeckham spotted this bit of lunacy (or upownarseitis, a doctor writes)

For those lazy sods who can't be bothered to read it all, in essence, Livia Firth, wife of British actor Colin, has a blog, courtesy of Apparently our Livia is keen on sourcing ethical garments and even keener on the exclamation mark, thus:

"With hours to go until the Screen Actors Guild Awards in Los Angeles, you’ll be relieved to know that I have settled on a dress! With a whole rail of great LA green designers, who should I choose for the second red carpet?!

I'm going for US designer Casey Larkin’s label, Mr Larkin. And the big story is: it’s made from milk fibre!

See how far I’ve come?!"

Yes Livia, indeed we can and I think I speak for all of us when I say how much we are all looking forward to Mr Larkin moving even further into the milk fashion arena and developing yoghurt g-strings and cheese shirts.

But wait! What is this I see? Why, 'tis an "exclusive interview" with non other than Miss Milkmaid 2010, Livia Firth! (Sorry, over-use of exclamation marks is catching).

Our keen interviewer, "greenmystyle" editor Sarah Woodhead, is clearly overcome with admiration simply to be in such a green luminary's presence. Oh good Lord, there's more of them.

"What happens when four influential and passionate women get together to chat ethical fashion and homewares?" she inquires, tense with anticipation. "The answer is a brand new shopping idea, of course!" (Sarah is also a fan of the exclamation mark.)

This shopping idea is 12 Degrees Of Fashion, a "buzzy new pop-up shop concept devoted to ethical fashion. "With a different pop-up fashion shop arriving every month for a year, and workshops too," says a breathless Sarah, "Livia, along with eco fashion doyennes Orsola de Castro, Lucy Siegle and Jocelyn Whipple, is one busy lady."

Isn't Jocelyn Whipple just the BEST name ever?

The rest of the interview is just a load of ethical old horsesh*t (which is green if nothing else) apart from her throwaway remark when asked what she's wearing. She name drops a couple of designers and then says "and my boots, which are not from an ethical designer but I’ve had them for five years..."

Livia's ethical credentials are thus shown to have feet of clay, albeit shod in five year old boots.

As you may recall from previous blog posts, I'm no lover of Shane Watson but I reckon Livia Firth could give her a run for her money.

Here's the best bit:

"Sarah: Livia, your life must be hectic. How do you manage to fit it all in? Does Colin help?
Livia: My life is hectic yes but this is my personality and I can’t help it. Colin? who is Colin?!"

No woman should be defined by the man she is married to, but for Livia, I shall make an exception and say to her, look love, your husband is the reason anyone gives even the most infinitesimal toss about you and your banana milkshake trousers.

Anyway, I must get on. I need to ring four passionate - not too sure about the influential - women and get them round to my house, pronto. We're going to come up with a shop "idea". Any suggestions?


  1. This is hilarious! Giggling so hard I fear I may wake my husband.

    I want this emblazoned on a t-shirt:
    "look love, your husband is the reason anyone gives even the most infinitesimal toss about you and your banana milkshake trousers"



  2. You're too kind. The post rather wrote itself to be honest; rather a lot of first class material to work with! (I've just used an exclamation mark, dammit.)