Fag Hags and Glad Rags

Today is my birthday. Yay! I've given up caffeine, chocolate etc for the moment, so after much behind closed doors discussions, the Teens (who don't really have any money of their own) bought me a box of my absolute favourite, but too expensive for everyday drinking, Bettys "Special Rare Green Tea". It is, as the blurb on the box says, a "light delicate blend of rare green teas, with pale pink rose petals." Isn't it lovely?








Sometimes my teens are capable of the greatest sweetness.


This came with my present:






The slim, wrinkle-free, top bird is, apparently, me. I WISH. Mind you, when they want to, they can certainly put me in my place. I remember one occasion, several years ago now, my daughter had a nightmare and wanted to sleep for the remainder of the night in my bed. The next morning, I turned to her sleepily and looked at her lovely little face, flushed pink with sleep, and I smiled gently at her. She smiled back and said: "Your face is all wrinkly, like Granny."

Actually on that subject I have just this minute bought from Boots.com their latest "miracle" cream, No7 Protect & Perfect Intense Beauty Serum. In four weeks, I fully expect to look, ooh, at least six months younger. Man, I hope it works. I've got frown lines that make me look like Evil Edna.










Remember Willo The Wisp?



I'm also going to take the opportunity of saying huge thank you to all the wonderful people on Twitter who wished me a happy birthday. Many of them asked me what I would be doing to celebrate my birthday and I told them all that I would be going to Hales Bar in town for their Stars in your Eyes competition with a bunch of friends, most of whom are gay. Henri is coming with me. She'll be meeting everyone - including me - for the first time, so I hope to God it's a good night and everyone behaves. Having been informed about the planning revelries, Carrie asked if she was allowed to refer to me as a "fag hag" (saying she was one herself). I rather think I am. But are you?

Answer the following questions:

Your significant other dumps you. What do you do?

* Cry hysterically for a week, refuse to get out of bed and check your mobile for signal every 30 seconds

* Indulge in a spot of retail therapy, then go out with your mates and get blind drunk

* Invite your friends round to bitch about what a loser your ex is, drink copious amounts of champagne and finish the evening performing a selection of Broadway musicals

Speaking of musicals, what is your favourite Julie Andrews show?

* Mary Poppins

* The Sound of Music

* Who the hell is Julie Andrews?

Have you ever had a boyfriend who later turned out to be gay?


* Don’t be ridiculous

* Not that I’m aware of, but so what anyway?


* So that’s what happened to my shimmering cleavage enhancer after we broke up


Your local gay bar is:

* Against God’s law

* Really good fun, actually

* About to name a cocktail after you

When you go out on a Saturday night, your aim is to get:

* Drunk

* Laid

* Arrested

Answer yes or no:

* Has a friend ever left you alone in a strange city in the middle of the night because he met someone cute and had to have sex immediately? (Award yourself an extra bonus point if he was dressed as a woman and had all your money in his purse.)

How did you do?