Sunday 19 April 2009

You Know You're Getting Old When......

A “roast” isn't some sort of sordid, Premiership footballer thing, it is a dinner that comprises a joint and all the trimmings

You’re more excited about being invited to the above on a Sunday than going out the night before

When you open the pages of your weekly local newspaper, you go straight to the “Planning Permission Granted” column to spy on your neighbours rather than read the court round-up to spy on your friends

You cry at Britain's Got Talent

You see someone else's point of view - first

At any sporting occasion, you leave early to “beat the rush”

Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you decide to keep them because they’ll “do” for the garden

You buy Birkenstocks because they’re comfy, not because they’re fashionable

You only go to bars where they have comfy seats, because, you know, you like to sit down

You use words like “comfy”

You buy t-shirts without anything written on them

You need "something sweet" to finish off a meal

At night time, you like to "get settled"

Sometimes when your teen children are playing loud music, you say "I remember this the first time round”

You punctuate your conversation with meaningless phrases such as “believe you me”

After five minutes in a club you leave, not because you’ve had enough but because you can’t stand having to shout “WHAT?” and, God help you, cupping your ear every time someone speaks to you

You start to see the point of boxed wine

You always have eggs and milk in

You don’t think there’s anything boring about a four-door car

The kids you once babysat for are now fighting in Afghanistan

That pair of tummy-flattening Spanx you bought is getting a lot of mileage

After sex you wonder if it would be inappropriate to put the bottom sheet straight into the wash

You watch The Apprentice and blather on to anyone who will listen about how you wouldn’t employ any of them and anyway, not one of them knows how to draw up a decent marketing plan blah blah

When you get up in the morning and look in the bathroom mirror, you see your Mother looking back at you

You realise that your mother was right about most things (dammit)

You go to bed at 11pm, as opposed to thinking about getting ready to go out at 11pm

You raise the median age of your Pilates class by your mere presence

You start to wonder who on earth you’re keeping in shape for – it’s not like your cats are bothered

You have cats



(With thanks to Twitter friends AnotherJulia, Clareharryruby, Gibbzer, Kirstieh and ClareH)

10 comments:

  1. And the surest sign of all... you count out the exact change in shops, down to the last murky penny... OUT LOUD.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes you do. And what's more - you ALWAYS have change.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If you have change you obviously don't have teenagers ....
    I have started saying, and thinking
    "Is it worth doing that ?"

    Yes it is, do it, now, seize the moment before arthritis stops you !

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh lord! shamefully true. sigh. i am old.x

    ReplyDelete
  6. AAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
    Thank GOD not looking at mother in the mirror just yet, but some of the others ring uncomfortably true.
    Going to research rejuvenating procedures now...

    ReplyDelete
  7. sadly, found myself nodding in agreement and recognition far too often in that post. i like naps too - is that terribly wrong of me?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ditto for me, plus obsession about not wasting anything - boiling chicken carcass for stock, feeding scraps to chickens, jam jars for jam making and keeping all manner of useless old detritus in case will 'come in hand'

    ReplyDelete
  9. brill list.
    i have started to call my sisters and cousins (in their early-/late-20s) 'kids' when i speak to them. come on kids, let's leave now..

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rivergirlie: Why did I not think of naps? Naps are an intrinsic part of growing older. In fact, I may start taking one a day. Maybe two...

    Sarah: yes, I too boil chicken carcasses for stock. I prefer to think of it being part of the thrift zeitgeist though - we are blazing a trail, you and I!

    Shayma: I certainly refer to my teenage spawn as "kids" and thinking about it, may have done the same to my niece and nephew (20 and 17). Eeek.

    ReplyDelete